Its been 4 months....

4 months ago today, Grandma died.  Its been hard and easy at the same time.  When she first died and the weeks leading up to it, I had such faith and a strong sense of security in knowing that she would be with Grandpa, with my Dad and Jesus.  But over time as each day has passed, the selfish part of it all has hit me.  I miss her, I want her here.  I'm so happy that her body is whole and she is no longer in pain.  She was an amazing woman and I hope I can be half the person she was.  I really miss her and have felt the void of her more and more lately.  I broke down a week or so ago and just cried for a few days.  I'm not much of a crier usually, so it was hard to just be depressed and sad.  I try to keep my outlook bright, hopeful and look forward to the future.  But a part of me misses that Grandma who taught me how to cook, how to sew and how to have compassion.  I made waffles today and thought of her.  I saw flowers and thought of her.  I suppose every day is going to be like this for awhile.  120 days and counting of life without her.  We'll keep going on, but my heart aches for her.  I love you Grandma.